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Sunday, May 15, 2005
bugger it all. i was so tired earlier on but lying in bed did not put me to sleep. to think i thought i would knock out after my heavenly shower. i lay there, in the dark, my eyes wide open staring at nothingness and thinking a million and one things. not all that can actually be translated into words. just random snapshots of thoughts and the eccentric nature of people and life in general. sometimes you feel so busy, but then again you do nothing to handle it. just hoping that the grey clouds would clear and the sun would shine again. i somehow have this false sense of security within myself and sometimes i wonder if it does more harm than good. on one hand, i kinda know it is not something stable, not something i could probably bank on but on the other hand, it comforts me to know that i am not alone. i would have to let go of it one day and find something substantial but until then, i somehow feel secure in my own insecurity. the irony of it all.
i am kinda predicting this would be another one of those entries that not many would bother going through but i don't really care. i just wanna ramble and it's the perfect place to do so. i mean sometimes we get so busy and so involved in our own agenda that u miss out on the real deal. just too busy. too busy dreaming. too busy planning. too busy playing. to busy partying. too busy studying. too busy sleeping. too busy talking. too busy feeling. too busy bumming. too busy tv-ing. too busy loving. too busy working. too busy crying. too busy thinking thinking thinking. too busy. such that you miss out on the lesson and true experience behind it all. but then again if u try too hard and dig too deep, u complicate matters more. just like an exam question. read it, analyse it and dont try to be too much of a smarty pants by thinking too in depth about it. sometimes being simple is good. there is a certain amount of complexity in simplicity itself.
jump jump jump. i hate beauty magazines but i love them. anyway, every month i religiously search the shelves for my dosage of cosmopolitan. which is then kept in the toilet because it is full of shit or for entertainment purposes. i wish i had a permanent address so i could subscribe to this shit. anyway they are coming up with everything now. they have brightening moisturiser,eyeshadow primmer, a trillion lip glosses and lip smackers and lip colours and eye this and eye that and blah blah blah and they make u feel like everything is necessary. and then silly me feels like buying everything(for that one second or two) and then the hype dies down and i go back to putting make up when i have the mood-which is hardly ever. ha ha. and i am trying to follow and maintain a beauty regime but it's hard sometimes when i get real lazy. but so far so good. i just do not want to regret it later on when i am older and have horrible i-am-old skin. but then again, the word is that too much is not good as well. so balance nad balance.
oh and they are going on and on bout this whole body acceptance phase thingamagic..like it is OK to have a slight tummy and no not everyone has to look like the praying mantis! like DUH... haha i mean frankly i dont think models are all that hot coz they hardly have the shape, the curves. there are the hot bods though. but i think a women's body is really about curves. like the arch in her back and the waist and hips... real sexy... not that i have that well defined either. I for example would never expect to be skinny. i just cant see myself like that. some may say that oh nadia by doing that u totally destory the possibility of it coz u dont believe in it. but the thing is that i rather have the warm choc fudge brownie with ice cream rather than think about it constantly and be depressed and yearn for it. i dont mind losing some weight, to look better. all about moderation. but i think u do learn to accept your body and to maximise your potential as you grow older. like i was slimmer in sec 4 than after my jc but somehow after jc i was different. i knew me and i had established a certain level of self confidence. i mean no one is perfect, and all we have to do is realise our short comings and not emphasise them. but another key is confidence i guess.
ooo and and i have this thing for lips now. i think some people have really nice lips. so fresh and yummy. heehee. while mine are currently cracking becoz i always forget to bring my lip balm out with me and its getting cold. i hate crackly lips. no one is gonna wanna kiss me!
ok this is a failure! i thought after staring at this screen for a while, my eyes would get tired and i would sleep like a baby but NO! i am off to continue my research in cosmo. reckon i will find some handy dandy quick fixxies or what nots. and since most of my make up is reaching its expiry date, time to raid the MAC counter maybe browse the estee lauder... some pretty colours featured in cosmo... and apparently elizabeth arden has cool shit too.. too bad the biotherm here has no make up section. i wanted to check up on their play on free... seems to do a good job making eye shadow luminousy and somehow create depth. i want it all. but i dont use it all. i love being a girl. so many things to play with. and somehow, we managed to take control of men too. so all's good. i am happy. u are happy-i assume. the world is a happier place. rather my world is.
because i said so! Nadz at
6:15 PM
